Birdie Envy - 04.18.03
The big story this week, oh yea - besides that war thing in Iraq, is that the private golf club, Augusta National, which holds the annual Masters tourney is being attacked by feminist groups for being a “men only” club. With all the important “real” things going on in the world, these women have decided to protest that the boys up in the tree house won’t let little Susie come up to play. And we all know that once she gets up there, she’ll realize it’s not as cool as she thought it was. So she’ll start changing things to suit her needs as the boys watch on in horror. I smell another example of how political correctness will bring about the end of civilization once and for all.
Here you have a group of crusty old rich guys with an average age of 72 who have been hanging out together without women around for, like, 70 years. Suddenly, because some crusty old woman sees it as a cash cow, their discrete, storied club is on the brink of being ruined. You can easily guess that the woman who seems to be stirring up the trouble is a lawyer. Her name is Martha Burke, and invoking my right to judge her based on a brief glance at a single picture - I think she must wish she were a man. I base this judgment solely on the fact that she has very short hair. If my mom ever reads this, I’m a dead man, because she has the same hairstyle.
Why can’t these women just go start their own club where they can do whatever they want (complain about men) and leave the guys alone? The main complaint is that with all these rich and powerful men around, there will be business conducted and women are missing out on that business. Well, what about me? I would like to do some business with these powerful men, but I can’t foot the annual dues even if they would let my scrubby butt in the door. I notice that these rich women who are complaining, do not have a problem with the fact that the $25,000 - $50,00 annual dues will keep non-wealthy people out whether they are male or female. Basically, they are saying that you can discriminate against women if you’d like, just not against rich women. If these fake feminists argue that the dues need to be met in order to join regardless of gender, I have a recommendation for Hootie and the Augusta boys. Raise the annual dues to $25,000 - $50,00 plus an annual donation to the local sperm bank. This way you can say any woman can join as long as she meets all of your standards and can pay the annual dues. I think it might be as hard for Mrs. Burke and her rich female cohorts to produce some of that gooey stuff, as it would be for me to produce the cash.
Also, I would like to know why it’s “correct” for women to have clubs with no male members, but it doesn’t work the other way around. Other than the fact that men don’t care if women have exclusive clubs, that is. I just did a search on the web and there are pages of organizations for women only. I even saw some that were for Asian lesbian women only. This may be the coolest thing I have ever seen, but come on now, that club is being sexist on two levels and racist on another. I wonder if these lesbians would ever allow straight, white men to infiltrate their organization. Not likely. So why isn’t Martha Burke writing these guys… I mean girls letters encouraging them to allow non-lesbian, non-Asian, non-women into their club. I guess because there is nothing for her to gain by going after a bunch of non-influential gay girls. Just like everything else, it comes down to money.
I can understand people protesting when it comes to fighting for equal opportunities regarding race or gender and in going after organizations that promote hatred, but it’s not like these Augusta geriatrics are planning womanacide. If these guys want to meet every night for a big circle jerk while singing show tunes in the big house, they should be allowed to do so without the interference from envious women. I have to apologize for putting that image into your heads just to prove a point, sorry.
I think women have come far enough in our society to start their own prestigious club of successful, influential executives and to stop worrying about how they are perceived as compared to men. Then, the two clubs could meet for a monthly mixer where the elite males and females of the world could unite to discuss the fate of mankind.
I have also figured out a way for me to get close the rich and the powerful.
I’ll be out front, parking cars.
|
|
|
Comments or Responses?
|
|
|
