I heard on the radio today that some big fat tub of goo is trying to sue several fast food restaurant chains for making him fat. His complaint is that the dietary information provided by leading fast food chains is misleading to the consumer. Besides wanting a big wad of cash in his oversized pocket, he would like to see more healthy alternatives added to their menus.

This irritates me on so many levels that I just want to go harpoon this big bloated wale bastard and sell his blubber to the cosmetic industry. What makes this porky pig, and every other lawsuit-crazed nut job, think that we can blame someone else for our problems? Every person with an ounce of sense knows that fast food is high in fat. Hell, that’s why we like it so much. And the fact is that no one told tubby to eat his ever growing body weight in fries followed by a gallon chocolate shake on a daily basis. Even this highly fattening food will not make you fat if it’s eaten in moderation. Can this guy really look a judge in the eye and say “Your honor, I didn’t realize that eating tons of food, that had submerged in boiling fat, would have an adverse affect on my weight. They mislead me.“

Also, does this guy really want us to believe that he will get a salad just because it’s on the menu. Come on now! Let’s stay within the realms of reality. From what I’ve seen, most of the chains in the suit already have a salad of some sort on their menu, but nobody goes to a burger place for a salad. Someone needs to tell this guy that salads have to be ordered and eaten to be effective. And you know that if “tiny” orders a salad, he’ll cover it with so much ranch dressing that no one would ever know that it started out as a salad.

What? Ranch dressing is fattening? Get the hell out of here. (Note: Sue all ranch dressing manufacturers)

I would like to say that I don’t have a problem with fat people in general, just this fat bastard. I know how hard it is to control your diet and some people actually have diseases that make them obese. This guy probably just can’t put the bag of chips down until it’s empty.

Hopefully, I’ve got it all wrong and this guy is just after some free money. Maybe he’s trying to use his obesity as a way to make some extra cash and his lawyer threw in the request for healthy items on the menu to try to legitimate the suit. I don’t much care for this type of greedy behavior, but it’s better than someone really blaming Micky D’s for his big fat ass.